Blah Mode Activated

It’s been a few days since I wrote my last post. I just published it, yesterday—I wanted my professor and cousin read it first. It got a little heavier than usual. I tried to connect some dots between the idea of resilience being inherited, what I got my degree from Michigan in, and how my family’s past is weirdly tied to an organization I’ve actually applied to (indirectly, but still). I didn’t want it to seem like I was comparing anything I’ve been through to what my Uncle went through—because I’m not. His story is on another level. But it got me thinking, and writing it helped. Just wanted to make sure it came across the right way.

That said, today? I feel... off.

Not sad. Not mad. Not happy either. Just blah. And, I know I have a lot to be grateful for—a place to live, people who love me, a supportive boyfriend, a job, a healthy dog, and I’m healthy myself. I always try to be positive and look on the bright side, but today, I have to force it, which isn’t like me.

So technically, things are good. But for whatever reason, I just feel disconnected from all of it.

It’s nice out. There’s a bunch going on this week. And still—I’m just kind of here, not feeling much of anything. And I hate that.

I’ve got to work an event later for Rocket Events, so I need to shake this fast. The “meh” look on my face isn’t going to fly. If you know me, even a little, you know my face hides NOTHING. Doesn’t matter what I say— how I’m feeling shows.

So I’m going to try. Gonna get ready, take Lena out, and attempt to pull myself out of this blahness. No idea if it’ll work, but doing something feels better than doing nothing.

I feel like this happens every now and then, and I don’t really know why. It just sneaks in, sits down, and stays longer than I’d like. Not sure what it is, but I know I don’t want to stay in it.

So I’m giving myself a little space to feel it, but not let it take over.