I’d Rather Be Honest Than Liked

I’ve always been that friend — for as long as I can remember — who will tell you the truth, whether it’s something you want to hear or not.

I’m blunt.

And whether you take that as me being rude, an asshole, or a bad friend… that’s on you. I’m not mean about it I’m just very direct. Because honestly, I’d be doing you a disservice as a friend if I sugarcoated things or coddled you just to make you feel better in the moment.

And it’s not like I only do this with the people I love and care about. I’m the same way with everyone. If I have something to say, I’ll say it. If something needs to be addressed, I’ll address it.

The older I get, the more I understand that my bluntness is going to do one of two things to people:

They either love it.
Or they hate it.

There’s no in-between

Some people think bluntness just you being mean

And that’s honestly the funny part.

Because the truth is… I’m not trying to be mean. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m not trying to “win” a conversation. I’m not trying to embarrass you or make you feel stupid.

I’m just not going to sit there and pretend I don’t see what’s going on and play into your version of reality just to make you feel better.

I’m not going to sugarcoat something because it makes it easier for you to avoid accountability. I’m not going to soften the truth to make it easier for someone to stay in denial. And I’m definitely not doing the whole “hint hint” communication style where we both know what’s being said, but nobody wants to say it out loud.

Because I’m saying it out loud.

If something needs to be addressed, I address it.

That’s it.

People who love me for it

The people who aren’t bothered by my bluntness are usually the ones who value honesty — or at least have enough self-awareness to understand that what I’m saying isn’t meant to hurt their feelings.

They’re the people who don’t need everything sugarcoated. They don’t need a disclaimer before every sentence. They don’t need you to tiptoe around what’s obvious.

They appreciate that when they ask me a question, I’ll actually answer it and honestly. Even if they weren’t expecting the answer that comes out of my mouth, they know I’m not just going to blow smoke up their ass to make them feel better for five minutes.

They know I’m not the friend who will smile in your face and then go talk about you later. If I have something to say, I’m saying it to you. And the same goes for people I encounter in everyday life.

People who hate me for it

They don’t hate my bluntness because it’s rude. They hate it because it removes the option to pretend… it takes away the ability to twist the story. To play dumb. To act confused. To keep people stuck in limbo while they figure out what they want without having to be honest about it.

My bluntness gives you no room to hide behind excuses. You have to confront what you’ve been avoiding. You have to look at what you’re doing, what you’re choosing, and what you’re allowing… without dressing it up as something that doesn’t hurt your feelings.

And for some people, I get it — that feels like an attack. But it’s not. It’s just me pointing out what you don’t want to face or see.

And if clarity makes you uncomfortable, then maybe the issue isn’t my tone…

Maybe it’s the truth.

And that’s not be being mean or an asshole. It’s just reality.

Some people don’t dislike bluntness because it’s harsh…
They dislike it because it makes them have to look at the narrative they have been telling themselves so they can feel better and actually face the truth.

Bluntness makes it hard to twist the story.
Bluntness makes it hard to play dumb.
Bluntness makes it hard to keep lying to yourself.

So yeah… I can see why that could make people not like me; but I’m okay with that.

The truth hurts

I’ve learned to adjust the words I use so it lands a little better… but I’m still going to tell the truth.

This is the part where I used to feel bad. I used to wonder if I should just stay quiet if somebody’s feelings ended up hurt.

I used to think maybe if I were a tad less blunt, people would get it. People would understand me. People wouldn’t choose comfort.

But I’ve learned that people who require you to be less honest… aren’t safe to be honest with. And they’re not the people you need in your life anyway. Because if they can’t accept the objective truth or your truth — why would you want them in your life anyway?

And if someone only likes me when I’m agreeable, quiet, or low maintenance, they don’t actually like me.

They like the version of me that’s convenient.

My bluntness is actually a form of respect

This might sound backwards, but it’s true.

If I’m being direct with you, it means I respect you enough to tell you the truth.

It means I believe you can handle it.

It means I’m not trying to control the outcome by manipulating the message or sugarcoating it to make it easier to swallow.

I’m giving you honest information and letting you choose what to do with it.

That’s respect.

And honestly, if more people were blunt in the right way, we’d have way less confusion, way less resentment, and way less “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

Because you would’ve known.

I would’ve told you.

Blunt doesn’t mean you’re an asshole

I can be direct and caring.
I can call something out and still love you.
I can tell you the truth and still hold space for your feelings.

But I’m not going to lie to protect your comfort.

And I’m not going to sugarcoat anything because the truth makes you uncomfortable.

If you’re not built for it, that’s okay

This is where I’m at now:

I’m here to be honest, consistent, and real.

I’m not changing who I am for the comfort of other people.

Because the truth is… it’s not how I say it.

It’s what I say.

And the right people appreciate it.

Because they know the same mouth that tells you the truth is also the one that will defend you, stand up for you, and love you fiercely..

So yeah… love it or hate it

So yeah… love it or hate it.

My bluntness is a boundary. It’s clarity. It’s self-respect. It’s emotional maturity. It’s being a good friend.

And I’m glad I’ve finally learned I don’t need to apologize for being the person who tells the truth, no matter what.

Love it. Or hate it.

Either way, I’m not changing.