Don’t Compare My Reality to Your Coping Mechanism

Stop Comparing Situations That Aren’t Even Close to the Same

There’s a difference between relating to someone… and trying to force their experience to match what’s going on with you.

I really wish more people understood:

Not every situation is comparable. And forcing them to be says a lot more about you than it does me.

Because sometimes what people call “understanding” isn’t understanding at all — it’s them trying to protect their feelings and having to sit with the reality of a situation.

It’s taking something that’s very clear and very wrong… and trying to blur it into something easier to live with because you’ve already accepted that level of disrespect and need to convince yourself, that it’s okay, not me.

People love to say things like:
“I get it… I do the same thing.”
“I’ve been there too.”
“I understand why you did that.”

And sometimes? They really do.

But other times… it’s minimizing.
It’s an insult disguised as empathy.

Because the truth is: the situations AREN’T the same. Not even close.

Intent matters. Context matters. Timing matters. History matters.

There’s a massive difference between:

• looking for clarity when you were lied to
  vs.

• monitoring my Facebook page because you’re choosing to stay with a liar

There’s a difference between:

• looking for answers to questions because you’re trying to understand reality and what is going on when you have half truths
  vs.

• looking for answers to questions because you’re trying to twist reality into something you can tolerate so you can sleep at night

There’s a difference between:

• reacting to betrayal
  vs.

• defending betrayal

And no, those aren’t “the same thing.”

That’s one person being hurt… and another person trying to cope with what they’re choosing to accept after knowing the reality of the situation.

The comparison isn’t being made because the situations are similar — it’s being made because it makes you feel better about tolerating what I wouldn’t.

I’m not “giving up.”
I’m choosing self-respect.

I’ve been honest. I’ve been transparent. And I’m not going to fight for someone who can be that disrespectful to the person they claim to love and call “their person.”

If that makes you uncomfortable, that’s not my problem.

It isn’t my responsibility to make you feel better about the situation you chose for yourself.

Because if you can convince yourself it’s “basically the same,” then nobody has to be wrong, nobody has to be held accountable, and you don’t have to feel stupid about accepting it or second guess yourself.

But the truth is simple:

I was looking for honesty and transparency. You’re looking for what’s the easiest pill for you to swallow.
And comfort isn’t the same as honesty.

And I’m gonna say this once:

I don’t need to explain my side to someone who already decided what they wanted to believe.
If what I wrote didn’t sit right with you, that’s not because it was “too harsh.” It’s because it hit a nerve and is something you don’t want to acknowledge.

What I wrote came from the evidence I have — from both of you — and that’s exactly how I came to the conclusion I did.

You don’t need my validation.
And me writing about my life has nothing to do with you.

I didn’t call you out by name. I didn’t call him out by name.
I talked about someone twisting my words to make themselves feel better… and someone else accepting it because it’s more comfortable than sitting with the reality of what actually happened.

And yes — it happened to both of us.
But especially to me, because of the history… and because last I knew, everything was fine before I had a feeling and I asked.

And if you haven’t known him even half as long as I have, and it still makes you worry he did that to me… especially after everything I showed you — the screenshots, the screen recordings, and the deleted messages he conveniently left out of his version… plus knowing everything I did for him and the way I show up for the people I care about… then honestly, your discomfort isn’t about me.

It’s about him.
And the fact that deep down, you know I didn’t deserve any of that. And if he did that to me, what makes you think he wouldn’t do that to you…

Maybe it’s because deep down… you know exactly what he’s capable of.

I’m not going to be the villain in a story where I showed up, presented facts, owned my own shit, and walked away.

So relate if you want to relate.

But don’t make what happened to me less significant just to make your decision easier to live with. It’s not the same. It’s a slap in the face. Own the choice you made — and don’t try to rewrite what happened to me to justify it.

Because you shouldn’t need my understanding to feel better about your decision.