When It’s Out Of My Hands, I Have To Trust It’s In The Right Ones.
Yesterday was one of the first times I’ve ever felt genuinely worried about someone outside of my close friends or family—because of their job.
If you know me, you know I’m an overthinker. I run through every possible scenario in my head, especially the worst-case ones. I already worry because of the kind of work this person does, but yesterday felt different.
He was working overtime on the ambulance during the protests. There were multiple groups involved—people I don’t know, and who don’t know each other—and one thing I knew for a fact: those groups have different ideologies. That unknown made me nervous.
I trusted my boyfriend, his team, DPD, ICE, and the FBI to keep everyone safe. But still, when you throw in outside groups with tension between them, anything can happen. And with how things are in the world right now, it doesn’t take much for a situation to spiral.
Luckily, everything went smoothly. The only thing he mentioned was that the two groups did get into an altercation at one point, but once it was handled, that was the end of it—or at least as far as he told me. Again, I’m a worrier, so who knows if he just didn’t want to give me more to stress over.
My mom called me back later after I’d reached out with a question, and she said my stepdad had asked if he was worried. I stopped her and said, “No, he wasn’t.” And without missing a beat, she goes, “You are.”
And she’s right. She knows me better than anyone. I’m sure she could hear it in my voice—I just wanted everything to go okay. I didn’t want to hear that something bad happened because people couldn’t control their emotions.
Funny enough, he and I had a conversation just a few days ago about how some of the wives and girlfriends of the guys he works with hate that they work for the fire department. How they worry constantly and want them to find another job. I told him I get being scared—but I don’t know how they could ask them to give up something they love so much. Especially when it’s a job that’s literally helping people. That’s actually one of the reasons I like him as much as I do.
He said it’s mostly the guys who’ve been on the job for over ten years—the ones whose wives or girlfriends have been there through all of it. After a while, all the intense calls and dangerous situations, especially working in Detroit, just wear on them. And after yesterday, I kind of get it.
I was told what was going on, and my mind immediately went to every possible “what-if.” But I think the hardest part was knowing I had no control. No way to help, no way to make sure he was okay and nothing was going to spiral out of control.
The truth is—I don’t usually worry like that unless it’s someone I’m really close to. Family. A best friend. That’s usually where the overthinking kicks in.
So, I guess the lesson I’m walking away with is this: I might not be able to control the situation, or know how every piece will play out—but I can trust that the people around him are looking out for him, just like he’s doing for them.
